Youth today is deeply tied to social media and online culture.
Digital reality is a foundational part of young life, and that means that it’s an undeniable part of friendships and other relationships.
It was, after all, the inaugural promise of the internet: to connect with new people from across the globe, to expand the reach of human connection.
Then we came to see that not everyone with the same interests as us is friend material, and that personal distance seems to encourage people to act without accountability … or civility.
And we’ve realized that this new way of connecting might not be as deep as we had hoped – that it might even make us lonelier than we had started out.
Enter concerns about young minds.
Enter concerns about social media addiction.
Enter concerns about unrealistic images and self-esteem.
Enter the loneliness epidemic, and a mental health crisis.
Friends online might be the worst thing that ever happened to young people, or it might be the best.
Perhaps it depends on who you ask.
We tend to research this in aggregate, to consider what the numbers mean for “young people” or “Gen Z” or “digital natives”.
The answer to almost everything is “it’s complicated”, and complications are most visible in context.
So I talked to Molly, a 21-year-old young woman living in rural Kansas who met her best friend in the comment section of a YouTube Video.
Where do you live? What’s life like these days?
Well, I just turned 21. I live in a small town in rural Kansas with my mom and dad and brother. We just moved here and I pretty much hate it. It was so unbearably hot when got here. The tornado sirens scare the shit out of me, and I don’t like the community we live in all that much.
I just started working at McDonalds. It’s okay. It’s a job. My paycheck is way less than I thought it would. Taxes suck.
What do you like to do? How do you spend your time online?
I really just like to watch funny videos and draw. Animation is pretty cool, and I’m really into manga. I spend a lot of my time drawing characters.
What do you mean? What kind of characters?
Just, any characters that I really like. Final Fantasy VII, My Little
Pony, Chainsaw Man. Oh, and Warriors, Homestuck. I used to draw Sweet Bro and hella Jeff.
I used to draw my own characters, but I guess I’m just not that imaginative anymore.
What do you like about these characters?
I just think they’re cool… and relatable. Like, if they were real, I would want to go with them and throw shit at mailboxes or something. You know, they just seem like they’d want to do the weird stuff that I want to do.
Tell me about your online friends. How did you meet them, and what are your relationships like?
I was watching this Vine compilation on Youtube, and I went into the comment section. She had made this funny comment – I think she said something like, ‘Fuck, I want a kazoo now’ or something — so I replied and said, ‘you’re funny.’ Then, we started talking in the comments, then moved to Google Hangouts, then Skype, then Discord.
That was like 2016, so I was 13 years old. Well, we both were.
How well do you know this person?
She lives in Boston, Massachusetts, and she goes to college, and she used to have two jobs: She used to work at Shake Shack and Whole Foods.
We don’t talk that much anymore because she’s busy most of the time. When she’s online, she talks to me about what kind of stuff she’s been watching, or what she’s been getting up to. She’s into Five Nights at Freddy’s and The Sopranos.
Recently, she sent me a video of her Freddy Fazbear plushy tied up to a bed. Her roommates did that and she spanked it with a paddle or something. I thought it was pretty funny, but also, like, pretty weird.
We share an absurd sense of humor though. It’s mostly younger people that laugh at things like us. It’s probably because of the internet. I think it gives you this sense of disconnection. The other person can’t see you, you can’t see them, so you just feel like you can say whatever you want.
Do you have other online friends like this?
Yeah, I have three online friends kind of like this. She’s my best friend though.
We’ve never met in person, but maybe one day.
I hope we get to meet. I don’t really like the people around here as much. Like, the people I work with like dweeby music and stuff.
Like what?
They’re into, like, Jimmy Urine from MSI.
What would you do if you ever did meet your friend from Boston?
I think it’d be fun. We’d just hang out, go to Applebees or something.
What do you think about online relationships like this? Would you just have IRL relationships if you could?
I think they are really important, but people just need to have an equilibrium, some balance. I still want IRL friends. I miss, like, hanging out in real life and, like, going places, which I can’t do because I don’t have a car. Just the mall or something. I don’t know.
Do you feel like online culture adds to loneliness, or that it helps with loneliness for you?
I think it does both. For me, I’d be lonely as hell if I didn’t have my online friends. It’s pretty important for me, especially living out here, where it’s hard to find anyone who is in the same shit that I’m into. Some people go online and just absorb themselves in online culture instead of doing anything to remedy their loneliness. I feel like that would just add to it. Those are young people to be worried about, I think.
That’s a good note to leave on. Thank you!
-Adam Talkington
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